Here’s What Canadians Masturbated to In 2018

Credit to Author: Mack Lamoureux| Date: Wed, 12 Dec 2018 16:19:51 +0000

Is there perhaps no clearer window into one’s soul than what they masturbate to?

After all, isn’t masturbation one of the great equalizers? We all get horny and we all, ahem, take care of it ourselves from time to time. More often than not, because we live in the modern age, we get down in the fading blue glow of a computer screen—no longer are we weak kneeing it to magazines like savages.

While there are a million sites out there peddling images and videos for us to get off to, few remain as popular as Canada’s own Pornhub. And thankfully, just in time for the holidays, Pornhub is squealing on ya’ll about all your jack off habits.


While the company was founded in Montreal, Canada isn’t its biggest traffic driver. Our home and native land only came fifth in terms of traffic, being beaten by the United States, the United Kingdom, India, and Japan, in that order. Worldwide the website was visited 3.3 billion times in 2018—goddamn we as a species love to masturbate—which equals out to 962 searches per second. Over 115 million hours of video was uploaded in the last year, this is a stat that the kind PR people at Pornhub inexplicably explained by saying, “if you started watching 2018’s videos after the Wright brother’s first flight, you would still be watching today!”

“At the time of this writing, Pornhub’s daily visits now exceed 100 million,” reads the exuberant press release. “To put that into perspective, that’s as if the combined populations of Canada, Poland and Australia all visited Pornhub every day!”

Now, if you will, just picture the populations of those countries just furiously masturbating—100 million of them just staring blankly at the screen as they smash their genitals.

Happy holidays.

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