Teach children to say sorry in a meaningful way
Credit to Author: Cheryl Song| Date: Wed, 03 Jul 2019 17:27:22 +0000
As Canadians we are known for saying sorry excessively. For many of us, it is a blanket statement we use, without even a second thought. While it is polite to say sorry or apologize when we have made a mistake, we need to teach children how to offer a genuine apology.
Importance of genuine apologies
To err is human, so it is crucial for everyone to learn how to apologize, learn from our mistakes and move forward.
Inappropriate ways of apologizing can lead to toxic or strained relationships, misunderstandings, missed opportunities, resentments, grudges, and even a lifetime of regrets. On the other hand, sincere apologies can often lead to building stronger and more meaningful relationships.
Some of the common practices of saying sorry can be ineffective or have the opposite effect of the intended genuine apology. While apologizing might seem like good manners and respectful, over apologizing or an insincere apology might not fully address the situation.
Saying sorry becomes a reflex for many Canadians. In other words, many overuse and misuse the word ‘sorry’, so much so that it loses its meaning and makes the apologies unworthy. We apologize too often, sometimes even when we are not at fault; we are way too quick to apologize for even the smallest things. We even apologize for others’ mistakes, for being our true self, for showing emotions, or apologize for apologizing!
Most importantly, simply using the word ‘sorry’ without genuine action is meaningless. The words become a ‘get out of jail free’ card that magically gets us off the hook for our actions; some even say sorry in a condescending tone to deliberately ridicule and hurt the other person’s feelings, losing sight of the original intention of making a genuine apology.
It is important to teach your children that genuine apologies can be very powerful and open the door to forgiveness and healing. Teach them that there should be a balance between apologizing for everything in an unthinking and automatic way and never apologizing due to overriding pride.
It is our responsibility as parents to make sure our children understand when warranted, apologies are genuine, personal and meaningful. The bottom line is, while everyone makes mistakes, it is how we take responsibility for our mistakes that makes a world of difference.
Tips on teaching children to make a sincere apology
Be a role model
Children are most influenced by parents, so it is important for parents to model the proper way of apologizing. Show children that it takes a big person with courage to show vulnerability, to swallow ego, and to own up to your mistakes. Model for children your own apology process, thoughts and methods to remedy the situation.
Use every situation as a learning opportunity
Teach children, starting at young age, that genuine apologies involve more than saying: “I am sorry.” Talk them through the process of apologizing; use every situation as a learning opportunity. Help children identify what their roles are in the situation, their actions and consequences, as well as how to face the situation when owning up to their mistakes and sincerely apologize. Show them how to make amends and remedy the situation. Teach them how to take steps to prevent it from happening again, and when and how to ask for forgiveness.
Teach that words and actions can make an impact
Make sure that when children apologize, their words are genuine, personal and meaningful. While everyone makes mistakes, it is how we take responsibility for our mistakes, and genuinely apologize that makes a world of difference. Make them understand apologies can be very powerful and can open the door for forgiveness and healing.